It's not really sadness that I feel. I guess it's remorse? I wish that we had had just a moment where it felt like she cared. Maybe I just wish I had had that one 'motherly' moment with her. Or a moment of her opening up and telling me she regretted things. Or missed me, or thought about me, or was proud that I turned out okay...you know, all that kind of stuff. No more maybes, right?
It's funny how you assume you know exactly how you will feel or what you will think about when you find out someone you don't care about dies.
You actually find out that all along you truly did care. And what you thought wouldn't effect you - actually does.