I just stood there...
I watched her being beaten. I watched her fighting him off. I watched him rip her clothes, force her down and, ultimately, force himself upon her.
I watched it
and I did nothing
in my own house.
I can't even remember her fucking name.
I watched her being beaten. I watched her fighting him off. I watched him rip her clothes, force her down and, ultimately, force himself upon her.
I watched it
and I did nothing
in my own house.
I can't even remember her fucking name.
My grandmother had taken this girl under her wing. She had been staying at our house for a few days. She was a few years older than me, blonde, cute. I don't know what was happening in her life but she was there - until she wasn't.
I grew up being molested, I lost my virginity at 13 (and in a shitty way), my entire concept of love was fucked up, to say the least. Basically, if I wasn't treated like shit, then obviously, they didn't care. Because you only fight with/for the things we care about the most, right?
I was great at picking assholes who would treat me like I thought I deserved to be treated. I recall being forced into the shower and scalding hot water turned on as everyone laughed and held the door closed. There was the guy who would lock my head between his thighs and burn me with his cigarette. I'd been strangled, beat up, brutalized, raped, controlled - all by the guys who were supposed to "love" me. But - this was the first time I saw it happening to someone else. I was 16 years old.
I honestly have not thought about that day in so long and I don't even know how it all started but my grandparents were both gone (which was rare) and the guy I was seeing came over. At some point he began trying to talk to her and when she wasn't open to his flirting he began to step it up and get aggressive about it. I got jealous and we got into an argument so I locked myself in my room.
Then came the screams and crying.
I stood in the family room looking into the dining room. He had her on the floor, his knees digging into her upper arms as he was hitting her. Her kicking and screaming not stopping him at all.
I remember yelling and telling him to stop but he didn't even seem to hear me. Maybe nothing came out of my throat, maybe I just imagined yelling. I don't know. But I stood there.
I just fucking stood there.
He got her pants down and forced himself in, and I stood there. My throat clenched, tears in my eyes, and I stood there watching the nightmare unfold in front of me, like the many times as a kid, I would lay on the bed and watch the shadows dance across the ceiling from the trees and just imagine myself somewhere else until it was safe to come back into my head...I just stood there.
He finished, got up, walked over and grabbed me by the throat and told me to keep my fucking mouth shut, and walked out the door.
The girl got up and yelled at me for not doing anything and I defended him! I fucking defended HIM! What the actual fuck was wrong with me? She didn't deserve that, NOBODY deserved that. I justified the entire ordeal, placed the blame on her for being a fucking girl and encouraging it in some way. I am not proud of this, not in the least. But, karma has a way of coming back at you - I paid many times over for this, including being raped myself, but those are other stories for other days.
She grabbed her stuff and took off.
My grandmother questioned me about it all later and, like I was told, I didn't say a fucking word. I never saw the girl again.
For the majority of my life I was with assholes who treated me like dirt, really until I left my first husband. About that time I grew a brain and found myself...I also found the ability to run toward a fight lol. God help the person who is abusing someone around me as I'm the first to jump in and get in the middle to protect someone else. Many times without thinking about my own safety, but I'm guessing maybe this memory is where it stems from.
I can't even remember her name...
Worlds Of Fun
Worlds of Fun. Man. I fucking loved that place! Just the anticipation coming around 435 highway straining your neck to see the balloon painted water tower to signify you were close...it was our version of Disneyland.
Worlds of Fun entrance
Worlds of Fun. Man. I fucking loved that place! Just the anticipation coming around 435 highway straining your neck to see the balloon painted water tower to signify you were close...it was our version of Disneyland.
We would go and spend HOURS and HOURS in lines and have the greatest time doing it. Now I stand for 5 minutes and get irate. Smart move inventing the Fast Passes for places! Gary and I have no problem dropping big bucks to avoid that shit :)
But seriously...It was THE place back then. You had the Schussboomer, one of my favorites, though for the longest time I was terrified to ride it. About the time I fell in love with it, they ripped it out.
Schussboomer (not my image)
Then there was the Octopus, the Viking Voyager, the Scrambler...so much fun. Oh and the taxis. So boring as an adult, but as a kid, driving them was the greatest freedom ever. If only you could get off that track. Later came the Orient Express, the first looping coaster. The year that opened you could spend over 2 hours in line waiting to ride - and we did, gladly.
The Scrambler (not my image)
The Octopus. Eventually, after the Orient Express went in, they painted it orange, which wasn't quite as scary looking.
My grandparents were too fucking old to ever take me, but my aunt and uncle would bring me along once in a while when I was little.
I saw my first concert there at the Forum. It was Eddie Rabbit. I thought he was so cute. We would play skee ball for hours in the arcade. And ride the train all around the park when we needed a break. Ahhh, good times.
Viking Voyager
All time favorite ride though - the Zambezi Zinger. You'd crawl into this toboggan type thing, straddling the center bench cushion and cram up against the crotch of whomever was behind you. It's great if you were with someone you wanted to get "close" to but it was awkward as hell when it was a stranger :/
Still though, you'd spiral up and up and up until finally you reached the peak and then drop super fast. The trees would come within grabbing distance and then there was the tunnel. Man, greatest coaster ever back then. My first coaster love LOL.
Zambezi (not my image)
It wasn't till I was going in high school that it got really good. Boys got involved...the dynamics of everything changed then lol.
I think one of the first times I went without an adult was with Elyse. She was EVERYTHING. She was strong and confident and spoke her mind about everything. Basically she was everything I was not. I idolized her.
It was the summer between 9th and 10th grade, I believe. She'd gotten her license (in Kansas you could get a license at 15) and she had gotten a sweet new convertible Mustang (lucky bitch) so she invited me to go to Worlds Of Fun with her , this guy she was seeing and his friend. Who was super fucking hot, btw. He looked like Tom Cruise, only cuter. So, YES, I wanted to go!
Problem was - my guinea pig died right before they showed up. This was my prized, pedigreed Peruvian guinea pig my science teacher had given me. The one I loved so much I would sneak it to school with me and put in my locker all day so I wouldn't have to leave him behind (I know, I know...I'm not proud). I was devastated. I loved that fucking thing.
The Finnish Fling. That damned thing. I think I liked it once. But only once, cuz the next time I tried it I was sick as shit. You'd spin around in this big barrel with a bunch of people. Centrifugal force would cause you to stick to the sides and then the floor would drop out. Me and spinning do not mesh well together. (not my image)
Damn.
Pretty much the entire day was a bust. Tom Cruise guy wasn't interested, though I do recall there being some incident where I pulled a tampon out of my bag and waved it around in everyones face....maybe that had something to do with it, or maybe it was the fact that I kept crying sporadically all day. I don't know.
But, aside from that one time...greatest place ever!
The best time was at night, with all the lights everywhere. I never wanted to leave.
There were things I missed, however. Like never getting a guy to win me a ridiculously large stuffed animal that we'd have to pack around the damn park all day...totally wanted that. Never did the old timey Western whore photo, and I always wanted one of those massive tissue paper flowers they did. Never did get one of those either. But, I'm not complaining. It was still my favorite place.
I think one of the best things was being able to take my kids there when they got old enough. Seeing the park through their eyes. Of course it has all changed since the late '70s and '80s, but the excitement is still the same. Hell, seeing my daughter, barely tall enough, getting on the Mamba while her older brother chickened out was pretty funny. Great memories.
Those are the moments I'll always hold on to.
The Mamba at Worlds of Fun, Kansas City (not my image)