Hardened Criminal - Part 3 - The Riot

So, I was back in county jail. And this time it looked to be for quite a while.

My deal for a reduced/misdemeanor sentence was revoked, I was a felon now and I was going to do 2 years.  

Happy Fucking New Year.

The jail was getting severely overcrowded at that point and many of the prisoners waiting for space at the county mental institution were bunking in our block.

Each small 5x8 cell was still maintained by one inmate (thankfully). There was one metal platform bolted into the floor to sleep on, there was a non-flammable mattress pad and a narrow metal writing desk, bolted to the floor. There was also a small metal shelf to store your toiletries. 

Those who were overflow inmates had mattress pads lined along the outer walls of the block. At the time there were about 8-10 people, all mentally unstable to some degree. 

Luckily I got a cell and wasn't forced to stay in the common area.

I was cell #1. What that meant was that I had to be the first one up and out of my cell in line for breakfast, and most everything else, but I was extra nervous about not being late to get in line as that caused quite a disruption among everyone. (That may be the reason I am chronically early to everything now)

Like usual, most days were spent playing spades and smoking hand rolled cigarettes. I much preferred to buy packs of smokes but those were super expensive and I didn't have a ton of commissary money, so I got pretty frugal. The one splurge I loved was getting the big bag of Koolaid. Not to make and drink, but to just lick it off my finger like one of those FunDip packages. It was cheap and it was sugar - all good things! 

I also occupied part of my time by having a little flirtmance with one of the dudes on the laundry crew. We would slip letters and food offerings back and forth during laundry exchange. It was nice to have something to focus on that didn't include ticking off days.

Unfortunately, this bothered CatGirl. 

CatGirl was one of the overflow women in our block. She was super thin and stalked around much like a cat on prey. She had really dark skin and would stand in the shadows just outside my cell at night and just stare in at me, it freaked the hell out of me.

Most days she just spent her time slinking around the outer walls of the block, she didn't really interact with anyone and when she did, it was usually fairly aggressive. I just tried to stay away from that shit - until the day that I couldn't.

I don't remember how it started, but I can tell you how it escalated and ended.

She came at me.

And, of course, my first reaction was to swing - hard. Unfortunately, I missed her face and punched the cinder block wall - hard.  There was some wrestling around, some scratching, punching and pulling, and then everyone else began getting involved. 

People were grabbing and yelling and hitting others and chaos was in full effect. There were way too many people in that block and too many unstable emotions mixing.

As I looked up I saw one of the ladies I hung around with coming towards us with the industrial sized hot water dispenser. I ducked away just as she proceeded to dump it on CatGirl.

There were screams of pain and guards rushing in yelling and then - 

LOCKDOWN

We were punished by having our cells searched where they tossed every single thing in your room looking for contraband, we were strip searched and we were all in lockdown for 24 hours. My friend with the water was placed in solitary. CatGirl was placed in the infirmary.

My hand was swollen and hurt so fucking bad and my knuckles were scraped up and bleeding from the concrete but, you know what, I felt like a bad ass. I was in a motherfucking jail brawl y'all.  ;)

Achievement unlocked.

Now, of course, when my husband tells the story, It was a giant prison riot with shivs and gangs and I was the one who dumped the scalding hot water on her. Cuz, you know, I'm hard like that. LOL.

I really don't remember what happened after that, but somehow, after they factored in all the time I had already been in jail and all the shock time I did and the fact that they were severely overcrowded, I was only in there for 3 weeks and they let me go.

Just go,
leave,
walk away. 

Time served.

There was no probation, no restitution, no nothing. 

Seriously?

All the shit I went through and I could have just sat there for a few more weeks at the very beginning and not had to jump all those bullshit hoops of probation? 

Son Of A Bitch!

I returned home to my grandparents and went back to high school to finish off my senior year.  There were just a few months left till graduation. Of course, I was told I wouldn't graduate because I was half a credit short. I sure as hell wasn't going to take their stupid correspondence course to get it because if I wasn't going to get the pomp and circumstance of graduating with everyone else then who the fuck cared. I sure as hell didn't.

I was headed full steam ahead to Reckless Blvd with no chance of slowing down.

Hardened Criminal - part 2 - Self Destruction

13th and Cherry - the Jackson County jail

I knew that address, I knew many people that had been there. I, obviously, hung around the wrong crowd.

I had been to city jail a few times, all just stupid little crap but now I was moving up to the minor leagues and this time I got a uniform. Mine was dark blue. They didn't have any shoes for me so I was given socks and flip flops. Not the flip flops with the strap across the top of the foot, oh fuck no. NO, these were the ones that go between your toes - with fucking tube socks! It was pretty freaking miserable.

I was 17 and the youngest girl in the block.  It was night time when they brought me in. They took me to my cell via the large sets of locking doors. You entered into the hexagonal pod and the doors behind you locked, then the door to the cell block would open and you'd enter there as, again, the giant doors behind you slammed loudly and echoed throughout the entire cinder block and metal space.

The cell block was similar to the image above, once inside they took me upstairs and put me in my cell and - again - the doors locked behind me. Only this time I was alone. 

The light in the cell stayed on 24 hours a day. The loud sounds of the guards entering and exiting the block throughout the night kept me awake. The cold and emptiness kept me awake. The demons I wrestled with kept me awake. The other people in their cells crying, talking, singing to themselves, it all kept me awake. And when there wasn't any noise, the silence kept me awake.

Here I was, this scrawny girl with super low self esteem and a deer in the headlights look in with all these criminals. I was mortified. Since I was the youngest, and obviously the weakest of the pack in our cell block, I was very lucky to have had a few people take me under their wing. I had no money in my account so I couldn't afford cigarettes or snacks or even stamps and paper. There were a couple of people who would share with me, I was truly grateful for their kindness in a completely different world and social structure than I'd ever been in.

What isn't seen in the image above is the open toilet/shower facilities. I was always too embarrassed to dress out for gym in school - let alone fucking shower in front of someone else. Jesus Christ, I had to now take a shit in front of them too! Fuck that!!! And I didn't -  for about 8 days. I was so sick and in so much pain by the time I did it was 10 times more embarrassing than anything I could have imagined. 

I learned to play spades and roll my own cigarettes from other peoples tossed out cigarette butts. I learned that maxi pads are the best thing to clean stainless steel toilets and metal mirrors as they do not leave any dust or lint. I learned how to accurately pass notes and cigarettes between our cell block and the one next door. Sadly we had no trained roaches to do it for us.

 I learned that county jail wasn't really that bad and the criminals in there were mainly just people that made stupid mistakes like I did - and a few that were really scary and weird.

We made the best of killing time, one day we even made up a rap song giving the majority of us a part and then we performed it one night for the guards before lock down, lol. That was probably the highlight of my time there. I'm certain it looked like something from that classic 1985 blockbuster Rappin' or some shit. It was epic - in my head at least.  
(You totally have to watch the trailer for Rappin' - I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!!! There are a lot of people in that film that wish they weren't)

The day finally came for my sentencing. My wrists were handcuffed and shackled to my waist, my ankles were shackled together and I was wearing flipflops with socks. 

As they escorted me into the room to talk to the public defender, I tripped out of my flipflop and nearly face planted into the dude. Those damn socks.

Anyway, the public defender and DA agreed to 6 weeks in county with 2 years probation and restitution. Meaning that I would serve my time (I'd been in for 2 weeks already) and then get out and have to pay back all the money and check in with someone once in a while. If I fucked up I would go back and serve the full 2 years. Dude, sure, whatever the fuck you say - just get me the hell out of there!

I go in front of the judge and plead my case. Hey, I'm just a stupid kid making stupid mistakes, right?  The judge turns to my grandmother and says, "Mrs. Hobbs, do you have anything to say?"

fuck. 
me.

My grandmother stands up and, I swear to God, she says "My daughter is an alcoholic and a drug addict and she's trying to kill us."

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!!

I wasn't even either of those things! (yet) 

The judge throws down his gavel and says 6 months! SIX FREAKING MONTHS! Plus all the other bullshit.

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Now, I realize that isn't very long at all, I also realize that in jail time terms that really only equates to about 3-4 months in actual jail - but when we had agreed to 6 weeks, and I'd already done 2 weeks and could have been out in just a couple more - WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WOMAN!

I was defeated. I resigned myself to my situation and tried to make the best of it. I got used to the loud doors banging all night, I got used to sleeping with the lights on and I got really good at playing spades.

There was this one particular sergeant at the jail. He was older, probably late 50s. He had a giant oversized belly and sweated a lot. He was particularly kind to me. Kind, in that really awkward "I expect something in return" kind of way. A way that I was all too familiar with.

This sergeant would come by my cell and give me Snickers bars, cigarettes, one time I even got a piece of pizza. He would sit on the edge of my bed and talk to me. It was very uncomfortable. But, I knew to just keep my cool and play along.

I never returned any favors to him, btw. 

Surprisingly, he went to the judge on my behalf. Apparently they were friends, little did I know.

About a week after court my sentence was reversed and I was allowed to go home. Holy shit was I happy as hell!

I returned home and began my probation but, the probation they had me on was completely set up for me to fail. 

The rules were:
I had to reside in my parents house
I had to attend school every day (It was my Senior year)
I had to get a job and begin paying restitution
I had to be home by 9pm every night (seriously)
I had to go to a psychologist once a week
I had to see my Probation officer once a week
I had to drop a urine test every week

Again, I was 17. At 17 nobody is home by 9pm! And they would call to check - a lot!!! And, along with all the bullshit appointments to visit all those freaking people AND be home by 9pm how the hell did they expect me to get a job too? 

I fucked up a lot. SURPRISE! I would get busted for missing curfew, and for association violations all the time. See, when you are on probation you are not allowed to associate with other people on probation or parole. Well, that meant I couldn't be around the dude I was dating at the time. I might have also showed up to my therapist appointment drunk a couple of times - but it's their word against mine ;) See, I wasn't an alcoholic - but I might as well try, right? That's what they thought I was, wouldn't want to let them down. Basically I was self destructing and everything was coming to a head.

I got picked up for shoplifting at Kmart and my PO decided that that was enough and had me taken back to county. It was "shock time". They'd toss me in there for a week to remind me that it was awful. Which it was, but at the same time, by the 2nd round of shock time it was familiar and I wasn't afraid of it any more. Hell, I now had friends there.

On Christmas night, well, technically the day after Christmas, I was driving home from my boyfriends house. It was 5am, there were patches of ice along 71 highway and I was beyond tired. 

I recall flashes of the construction wall on the left side of the road coming at me, I recall rolling for what seemed like an eternity. I remember waking up and realizing that the car was upside down in a ditch. I was wedged between the front and back seats and the radio was on - though I don't remember what song was playing. 

I got the passenger side window down and made my way out of the car and just started walking. I recall turning to look at the car and just thinking I needed to walk home.

It all happened between Blue Ridge and the Main Street exit in Grandview, MO, right by our house and the police station. It didn't take long for them all to arrive.

I was in the ambulance and could see out the back of it. My grandfather pulls up in his truck. Gets out and walks over to the car, then gets back in his truck and drives away.

Really?

At the hospital my grandmother comes in and says that my grandfather wanted to come in and see me and I was like "Hell no! He didn't want to see me on the highway or know if I was okay, why the fuck does he care now?"

I spent a few days in the hospital. I had hit my throat on the steering wheel and messed up my neck pretty bad, among all the cuts and bruises and stuff. My little Mustang was totaled, of course.

As soon as I got out though - the shit had hit the fan.

There was no more shock time. My probation had been revoked and I was sent back to jail to serve out my full 2 year sentence. 

This time I went in without fear but totally devastated that I would spend two freaking years in there.  Everyone else was planning prom and senior pictures and graduating. I'd be over here spit shining a metal toilet. Fucking great.

Stay tuned for Part 3 - The Riot