molestation

God Dammit, Alice!

God Dammit, Alice!

I'd hear the gun go off in my head a million times to try to prepare myself for what it might really sound like. I had fired a gun, I knew how loud it was. I imagined the kick back and the smell...I tried not to imagine the impact but it was really hard not to.

The Mechanics Of Love

As a very young child I was taught that nothing was given for free.  There was a price for everything.  If I wanted to go to a friends house, if I wanted someone to come over, if I wanted a new toy, if I whatever...I just had to be there to give in order to get.

Love was not based on emotion, it was just a word.  "Love" was what you did to get what you wanted.

Life After Beige

The after pain of the cut was sort of therapeutic. A constant reminder that the pain I was feeling was real.  That I was still there - I could still feel.  And the thing is - I had control of that pain.  I could decide how much to cut, when to do it, where on my body and when it would stop.  It was the only thing in my life I had control over.  It was my goto drug for many, many years.  

It begins with a baby on a bus

Don't get me wrong, aside from the dark and dirty secrets, my grandparents were good to me, they provided well for me, and I loved them because they were all I had and I knew no different. They were FAR better than the alternative of growing up with the people who gave birth to me.